Perfect Imperfections
by Facades
Summary: Despite what others see or what we sometimes might think, even a little sisters' flaws are the most amusing and perfect things in the elder siblings' eyes. A three-shot dedicated to Angel Lilith, may you rest in peace.
1. First Time

First Time

**Note:** Amu is eighteen, in her last year of high school, while Ami is twelve and in her last year of elementary school.

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_Dedicated to Angel Lilith, an author who wrote one extremely entertaining FanFic that will regretfully never be finished. May you rest in peace._

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_"Having a sister is like having a best friend you can't get rid of._  
_You know that whatever you do, they'll still be here."_  
-Unknown

…

The first time for anything is always the most difficult time. The first time you try something, you have absolutely no idea what to expect from it, having no prior experience to back you up. Knowing second-hand experience isn't as helpful, since it was from someone else's experience, not yours, so the outcome will most likely be different.

For kids, the 'firsts' are all mostly pretty similar. Your first haircut, first time on a bike, first time having a friend, first time pushing yourself on a swing, tying your shoe, writing out your full name, etc. Everyone's faced it, and you get through it all pretty quickly as a kid. The experience that you've gotten at a young age will help you as you grow older.

Now, here's where things get difficult. Boys and girls both deal with different things once they reach the adolescent stage. Some things are similar, like your first car, first date, first job, first day of school, and etc., but there are a still things that girls have to go through that guys don't have to, and vice versa. I'm not a real expert on what the guys have to deal with (something about perverted nightmares and athlete's foot), but I know first hand that the girls have it _tough_. Getting your ears pierced, your first bra, first time you…um, "become a woman," first time shaving, first time waxing, first time getting a fake tan, first time wearing heels, first time experiencing blisters from wearing your first pinchy shoes…the list goes on and on and _on_, trust me.

If you're lucky, though, you have a mom, or older sister, or at least a friend who's gone through all those things before you. They'll give you some advice (or you'll maybe have to _beg_ for some guidance, like some people I know), and you'll relax, thinking that you'd know what to expect, since you've gotten some insight on what'll happen.

Think again.

…

"AAAH!" The shrill, loud-pitched squeal of my twelve-year-old sister breaks the calm and serene silence that I was basking in that early Wednesday morning. Shooting up out of bed, I feel my heart pound against my chest with vigor, despite having been dreaming of getting a massage just moments earlier. The only thing on my mind at the moment is my younger sister's cry for help, and without even bothering, to check the time and brush my hair or teeth, I race out the door and down the hall, barging into my sister's room with every possible scenario running through my mind.

"Ami!" I cry as I search for her in her bedroom. Seeing as she's not there, I make my way towards her bathroom (Yes, my much younger sister has her own bathroom located in her room. My parents considered that since I'm going to be moving out sooner or later, Ami should deserve her own bathroom, despite still being Elementary School. Total unfairness). "Ami, are you in there?' I call through the closed door, trying to keep the panic and worry out of my voice.

"Don't come in!" she screams, having just realized that I was there. "I-I'm indecent!"

I frown, wondering what her problem is. It wasn't like we've never changed together before, so it's not like I wouldn't notice if anything's changed with her body. "I heard a scream," I tell her. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine! Just leave me alone!"

I turn my head and peer out my sister's window, and notice that it's still dark outside. "What are you doing up so early?" I ask through the door, beginning to get impatient.

A pause. "Using th-the bathroom! What do you think?"

"Why where you screaming if you're just using the bathroom?"

By now, Ami's a bit fed up. "What are you, some kind of cop? Just go back to bed!"

I pause for a moment, before a thought comes to me. "Ami, you haven't gotten your, um, period, have you?" I hear a thud, and I'm suddenly panicking again. "Ami! Are you OK? Ami, answer me!"

"God, Amu!" I hear her say, the disgust obvious in her voice. "Way to be blunt!"

I hold back a surprised gasp. "Wait, so you are?" This is a shock, considering that Ami's flatter than I was back when I was her age, so there's really no way that she could have it _now_. Gee, mom's going a to flip out when she finds out.

There's another thud. "Are you crazy?" I hear her ask. "No, I'm not! Now go away before mom and dad wake up!" She sounds really nervous about that, like the last thing she wants is for anyone to come up and find her. She's forgotten though that mom and dad wear earplugs to bed, so they don't have to hear the other one snore.

A feeling of dread comes over me as a new thought enters my mind. "Ami," I try to say as calmly as I can, "you're not…you're not doing drugs, are you?"

I'm hoping for Ami to yell back, screaming obscurities at me and order me to leave again, but she doesn't do any of that, and my worries begin to deepen. I'm trying to think of something to say, something to make her stop ("Just Say No" and "Smoke or You'll Choke" are two options I'm beginning to consider at the moment), but before I can even think of barging down the door and confronting Ami myself, she opens it and I let out an involuntary gasp.

There, standing in front of me, is my little sister, wearing a bra that's took big and obvious through her night shirt with tissues sticking out. Instead of bloodshot and dead eyes like I was dreading, they're messily done with a dark, dark shade of black eyeliner and I notice a mascara smudge over her right eyebrow. Lip liner is on her chin, teeth, and even her nose and her cheeks look like they're inflamed. I notice that the top half of her bangs are sticking out like pins while the other half is in its naturally curly state. Wondering how that happened, I notice my flat iron plugged in and sitting on the bathroom counter top, the red light flashing like a warning signal. There's a fresh white burn scar arcross one of the fingers on her left hand, and she makes a show of trying to hide it from me, but before I could even make any comments or ask any more questions, Ami comes towards me and starts to sob in my chest with her skinny arms wrapped around me.

"I-I c-can't do a-anything r-r-right!" she bawls in between hiccups as she hides her face into my shirt, possibly smearing it with the make up. I put my arms around her shoulders in an attempt to comfort her as I peer over her head to take a look at the bathroom. There's makeup _everywhere_, of all shades and types rolling off the counter, with the brushes all in the sink. Tissues are scattered everywhere, some covered with makeup that Ami must've possibly tried to rub off. The caps are off of the lip stick and I'm afraid that the eyeliner pencil is now broken, but those issues are pretty small compared to the upset girl in my arms.

I stroke her hair soothingly as I lead her into her bathroom to unplug the flatiron and help her clean up the mess. No doubt that all of this stuff came from the hallway bathroom where I usually do _my_ make up. With stuff in our arms, I lead my sister back to my bathroom to put everything back and to clear all that junk off her face. As she runs her burned hand under the cold water of the sink, I grab a cotton swap and start to dab at her red cheeks and raccoon eyes, using nearly a fourth of the small bottle of make-up remover to get rid of all the stuff she's put on her face, all without saying anything. When that's all done, I look up at the mirror and groan at my hideous bed head. I reach for my brush that's in the other sink and undo all the horrid tangles in my hair. After I try it all up in a messy ponytail, I get started on brushing my teeth, because I can't stand morning breath. All the while, Ami is silently soothing her burn, looking down at the running water.

After a few minuets of that, I turn off the faucet and grab the burn ointment from the medicine cabinet. Ami catches a peek at the pads I keep in there as well, and begins to blush a bright red, undoubtedly remembering our conversation from earlier. Somehow, I'm glad that her concern was just over make up and not 'that,' because, honestly, I'd be embarrassed if my younger sister got her's two years before I got mine. Still, this is a pretty serious business.

I gently apply the cream to my sister's finger, and I can hear her sniffle a bit as I'm doing so. "Aw, don't be upset," I say, trying to sooth her. "You know, I remember when I first tried on makeup," I say while chuckling "I was thirteen, in my first year of middle school, and I had accidentally bought _lime green_ eyeliner instead of brown, and for some stupid reason I didn't even realize it before I tried it on in the girl's bathroom at school. Too make matters worse, I poked my eye as I was doing my mascara, which was really clumpy, so I just decided to take it all off. Unfortunately, I didn't have any remover, so I had to use just water, causing it to run and smear my face. I managed to get most of it off, but I had dark smudges under my eye, looking like I didn't get enough sleep that night. I had to spend an entire day where people would keep asking me nonstop if I was tired. It was so embarrassing that I didn't have the heart to even reply." I gave Ami a sheepish smile as I begin to put the cap back on the cream. "So, yeah, at least you won't have to have to publicly display your embarrassment."

Ami huffed and started to adjust the bra, right before deciding to just rip it off and have wads of tissue paper fly out. She let out a small whine, and looked like she was about to cry again, but no tears came out as she began to gather it all up and stuff it in the trash can. I picked up the familiar looking pink-laced garment and ask, "_Please_ tell me this isn't mine."

Ami's cheeks inflamed again, and she mumbled, "Don't be mad." I just chuckled and shook my head.

"I'm not mad. Want to hear another embarrassing moment in 'The Embarrassing Chronicles of Amu'?" Ami just shrugged but looked at me anyways. She had brought down the toilet seat and was sitting on the lid cushion, using it as a chair while I had my head against the cabinets under the sink, the fluffy bath room carpet (that continently matched the toilet cushion) protecting my bottom from the hard, tiled floor. "The first time I went bra shopping with Mom had to be one of the _longest _days of my life. We were searching throughout the entire the right size, and the entire time Mom would look down and make loud comments like 'this is too big' or 'I'm not sure if this won't slip off if we get rid of the straps.' She even began asking the _male_ employees about what size they thought I was, since she figured that they were some sort of experts because they were hanging around area for some reason. I just wanted to die right there."

Ami bit her lip. "What happened then?"

"Well, we eventually went to a different apartment store the next day, after getting overwhelmed by all the stuff that happened earlier. This other place was a lot easier. We had an expert take my measurements and they brought me the right size soon enough. Thankfully, it wasn't a male, and it was all over pretty easily, but Mom still wouldn't stop gushing about my 'first bra' and being 'on my way to womanhood,' although fortunetly, for me, wasn't in front of any guys."

Ami's lips seemed to turn up a bit after I finished. "Promise me that you'll come with me instead of Mom the first time I go shopping," she tells me.

I begin to giggle. "Promise," I tell her, sticking out my pinky to make it official. Ami started giggling too has her pinky wrapped around mine.

"You know," she said quietly once we separate, "I didn't even know that there were even different sizes for them before I tried yours on." She bit her lip as her cheeks became red again. "It looked really wrong once I put my shirt over it, and I figured that since it was too big, I ought to fill it out a bit, but that just became a huge mess." She pouted as she ran her non-burned hand through her hair. "I didn't think that it would be _that_ big, since your's are pretty small…" she mused, while _my_ cheeks began to heat up. I don't think that she even knew that she had bruised my ego.

"Yeah, well…" I tried to think of something to say. "You owe me some new eyeliner," I tell her, remembering the broken one I had to throw away.

Ami broke out into a grin. "I'll get one in lime green, just for you sis." Despite my flushed cheeks, I laugh along with her, happy that she just isn't depressed anymore.

Suddenly, she lets out a yawn, and I realize out early it still is. "Do you have the time?" I ask her, since my phone is back in my room. Ami reaches into her shirt and pulls out the miniature analog clock that hangs from a silver chain. I gave it to her for her birthday last year, since she never wears a watch and is always asking me for the time. She's never taken it off since.

"Four-fifty-two," she tells me, and I let out a low whistle.

"How long have you been up?" I ask her. She just shrugs.

"Since three-forty-five, I think. I couldn't sleep and wanted to get ready for school, and since I wasn't really sure about how to, you know, do it correctly, I figured I'd need more time and it took a while to get all the stuff from your bathroom to mine and I had be super quiet while-"

"Now you're rambling," I cut her off, smiling at her sheepish expression. "You know, instead of going through all that trouble, you could've just asked me for help."

Ami shrugged again, like she hadn't even given the idea a that much thought. "I figured you'd be like Mom and Dad, and say stuff like 'oh, why do you want to grow up so fast' or 'you're perfect just the way you are' and things like that."

"You're forgetting that I was you're age not that long ago," I say to her. "And did you not just hear about 'The Embarrassing Chronicles of Amu'? I think I've suffered enough teen angst for the both of us, so don't ever go thinking that I don't know what you're going through."

"I don't know," Ami says. "I mean, I still haven't even gotten my _period_ yet." She whispers the word "period" like she's muttering a curse word in church, and again, her cheeks flame up. "I think I'll be suffering more teenage drama than you have in future," she tells me.

"Well, lets hope not," I tell her as she lets out another yawn. I can notice her eyes beginning to droop and the faint dark circles under her eyes, and I know that it's not from the makeup. I probably have them too, but I can get through a day of school with just one cup of coffee. I'm used to staying up late on school days due to studying, but Ami's too small and young. I can't let her go like this.

"Ami," I say softly, and she looks at me, her amber eyes dull. "You should go to bed. Then, in the afternoon, after you wake up, I promise I'll take you to the mall to buy some of that eyeliner."

I'm planning on buying a few things for Ami a well, like her own makeup brush and flatiron, but Ami's tired voice asks, "What about school? And Mom and-"

I wave a hand in the air. "I'll take care of Mom and Dad. Besides, you can miss just one day of school."

"What about you," she asks, the words are just mumbles now.

"We're just reviewing today, and I already know the material." Plus, Ami wasted the remainder of my foundation, and people are definitely going to question my dark eye circles at school. Best thing to do is restock later in the afternoon, once we hit the mall and I get Ami her own shade to use for small blemishes and such.

"Mmm…" I hear her moan, and I help my tired younger sister up from her seat and towards my own room, turning off the lights on my way out. I lay her down on my bed and pull the covers over her, hearing a faint "good morning" some out of her mouth, and I smile at her sleeping face. Suddenly, I realize how heavy my legs feel, and I'm too tired to support myself so I just get under the covers with Ami. She doesn't seem to mind as she snuggles closer to me and continues to doze off.

And now that I'm closer to her, I realize that I might just need to get a new bottle of perfume as well, since I know for a fact that my sister doesn't naturally smell like jasmine and lavender.

Ugh…I'll deal with it in the morning, er, I mean afternoon.

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**A/N:** I personally never even knew Angel Lilith. I never even wrote her review for her story, which I regret, very, very, much, considering that if I do so now, she wouldn't be able to know how much I actually enjoyed her writing. I was devastated when I read her brother's letter, and moved and inspired once I read xxToxicMemoryxx's dedication to her, so I wanted to write up my own. It's probably the least I can do, and doesn't make that much of an impact since I didn't even know her, but I was a fan of her writing and I am sad that she passed away.

I'm making this into a three-shot, dedicated to the little sisters of _Shugo Chara!_ and Angel Lilith. There will be two more chapters, but it won't be posted up until next week, since I won't be at home then. I will, however, make this the first multi-chapter Fic that I've completed.

And if you haven't already, go read Angel Lilith's FanFic, Making Music. Despite that it won't ever be completed by her, it's still something worth reading. It's one of my favorites on this site, and hopefully you'll like it just as much as I did.

Thanks for reading.

****PS-I didn't have time to check for mistakes. If you notice any, let me know _please_. I do not my tribute to have imperfections.****


	2. Appreciating Weakness

Appreciating Weakness

**Note:** This is after Ikuto leaves for his dad, and after Utau hooks up with Kūkai, so she's not all emo and mopy like in the first chapter of _Encore!_

And I _know _that it isn't Valentine's day anymore, but just use your imagination and don't call me out on it.

Also, FF (dot) Net is being a B, and the stupid format won't allow the at-sign to show up on the email adresses, so just pretend that there is one.

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'_In my eyes,__  
__She is the sweetest lady that I ever looked on.'  
_-Shakespeare's Much Ado About Nothing

…

If I had the choice to make my life the way _I_ wanted it to be, I would've chosen to make myself an orphan, no family at all to tie me down.

Yeah, I realize that that's a pretty selfish and horrible thing to wish for, but I'm just being honest here. If that makes me a bad person, than so be it.

Don't think of me as ignorant. I know that I'm "fortunate" to have such a "loving family" that's always "by my side." There are a bunch of kids in third world countries who would be joyous to have my life. After all, my mom is still alive and healthy, and used to always check up on me before I left, and my sister still calls me everyday to make sure that I'm alright in a new continent.

But here's the thing: I don't feel fortunate. I never wanted my mother all up in my business. To me, she was a traitor, and I don't like dealing with weak people like that. She never once explained to me what happened to my dad, or why she married my bastard of a stepfather, and she knows better than anyone about how much I _hate_ being kept in the dark. She wasn't being a mother; she was being weak. And she knew it.

And I never forgave her for it either.

And my sister doesn't call to check to see if _I'm_ alright. She just calls me so that _she_ can remain alright. Even after so long, she remains too dependent on me. Over the years she's grown stronger and stronger, but still remains a bit weak, just like my mother.

For me, weakness is a nuisance, just like my "family."

Everyone's family is screwed up, I get it. And yet, people manage to love them and stay by them, but I can't. No matter how hard I try, I can't allow my family's weakness to keep dragging me down.

Want to know a secret? My reason for leaving Japan to tour Europe wasn't _just_ to find my dad (who's an even bigger weakling than my mother is, for running out on us just so he wouldn't have to deal with his own responsibilities). That's actually just a small part of it. My main reason was to get away, to just leave the dark past that'll forever haunt me.

Now I know that makes me sound like a complete hypocrite, and maybe I am, but all I know is that because of my screwed up family, I was _never_ able to think about myself only. My thoughts and concerns were always about either my father, whom I've never been able to forgive, my mother, who's too fragile to stand up for her own well being, and my sister, who might just be even more fragile than my mother.

Because my sister hides her weakness so well, that she doesn't even realize how vulnerable she is until everything crashes down on her…

…Leaving _me_ to pick up all the broken pieces.

My entire life, I've had to sacrifice for my family, so when I got the chance to get away for _myself_, I took it, without even a second thought. I don't even regret the choice.

But I might, in the future, when I come back and see my sister with the same hurtful and betrayed expression she had on when she realized that both of her parents had abandoned her, and that all she ever had left was her brother.

That same brother who decided to leave as well.

…

In Europe, Valentines Day wasn't a day where girls would make homemade chocolate to give to their lovers. Instead, the men buy some extravagant gift for their sweethearts, and the woman don't even have to lift a single finger a month later.

Seeing as how in Europe, I had no one to share my Valentines Day with, that meant I wouldn't have to bother getting anyone anything. OK, so maybe Amu did keep on bugging me to get her this autographed picture of this European pop star, Sergei (she claims it's for her sister, but I _highly_ doubt it), but I don't think that she's that knowledgeable in European traditions, so she won't be expecting anything from me. And if I'm lucky, _I_ could be the one getting a gift on the 14th.

You'd so think that things would exactly go the way I imagined them to go, but remember, I'm _Ikuto Tsukiyomi_. Bad luck stalks me everywhere, and things blow up in my face when I least expect it.

_~DING!~_

_**You have 1 new message from UtauT (at-sign) notarealemailadress (dot) com.**_

Sometimes I wonder why I even have a computer. It's not like I do anything on it, just look up websites to see if there's a lead on my father, though there's usually nothing so I hardly ever bother to go on. Still, I keep it with me; it's pretty much my only way of communicating with people (My phone fell in a river in Italy, and I can't be bother to get a new one). Still, the only people who ever messages me is either Amu, who's been harassing for Sergei's photo a lot lately, so I just don't read her messages, Tadase, who occasionally wants to pass some random bit of news his uncle has for me (It's usually about how the stars are going to align in my path or something), and Utau who's just always…being Utau.

To be clearer, the messages are often like this:

_Hi Ikuto I missed you so much did you miss me? Are you doing well are you successful do you have any leads yet? When are you coming back I miss you so much it's so boring without you! Why won't you ever call me I want to know how you're doing are you well you're not sick right? Please reply back I need to know how you are!_

They're almost always like that, with the horrible grammar and everything. Sometimes, there's an occasional picture attached because she has this weird assumption that I'm interested in what's going on back home. My replies are always the same (I forward the same message over and over again, and she never notices) and I always leave my hotel phone number in case she wishes to contact me.

My reply:

_I'm OK. I have no leads. I don't know when I'll be back. Later._

It may seem pretty cruel, leaving her hanging on my cryptic messages like that, but she calls me every week and so she remains updated on where I am and if I'm alright and blah, blah, blah. My mom occasionally says "hi," but it's Utau who always tries to dig deep and see what's up with the "investigation."

I decide to ignore her message for now, because I'm tired from my plane ride to Vienna, Austria from Glasgow, Scotland. On the plan, there was a drunk Scottish man right beside me, leaning too close for my comfort and yelling slurred words at the attendants, and on my other side, there was this German-speaking guy who had the _worse_ smell you could possibly imagine. I couldn't sleep a wink and I now plan to just crash in my hotel room for the next 24 hours.

I get about three hours of sleep before the front desk calls me and informs me that I have a long distance call. I groan and wait as the guy begins to connect me Japan.

"Hello?" My drowsy voice says softly into the speaker.

"_Ikuto! Why haven't you called me? You checked into the hotel hours ago and you never replied to my message and-"_

"I was asleep, Utau. I had a long flight and I'm tired." To make a point, I yawn loudly and attempt to lie back down on the bed, only to be bombarded with more questions.

"_Oh gosh, are you OK? You've been sleeping a lot lately Ikuto. Are you positive that you're not sick? I could always send you over some medicine or get you a doctor-"_

"Utau, I'm probably just jetlagged. And I always sleep a lot anyways. You don't need to worry."

"_Worry? I'm not worried! I'm _concerned_ for your well being. I can't imagine how you could survive Europe all by yourself. I remember that I would use to send you out to buy milk, and you would come back with a chocolate bar instead. I week later, I would ask for bread, and you remember that we need milk, but still forget the bread. And now that Yoru left, I'm not sure how you're going to keep yourself in check and keep track of Aruto."_

The odd thing is, my sister never referred to our father as "dad" or "father" ever since our mother told us how she never actually divorced my father, nor has she ever actually been married to Kazuomi. I guess it must've been a lot to take in, and I get it. I suppose that she's still waiting for our father to return for her to make her final judgment of him. For now he's still a stranger to her, and is treated as such.

I sigh as I rub my eyes and plan to wrap up this conversation. "Don't be worried, or concerned or whatever it is, alright? I'm, like, a big boy now, tying my own shoes and everything. Stop fussing over me and start focusing on your own career. I'll let you know if anything's up."

"_Promise?"_

"Promise. Goodbye."

"…_Bye."_ I think she's about to hang up, but before that, she sighs and whispers an "_I miss you_" for me right before cutting the line.

I didn't spend any time thinking about it, and managed to get my much needed rest without any interruptions.

That is, until the next several weeks.

…

It was the 11th of February, and I had no luck finding my father in Austria either. I checked all of the local listings, and there wasn't going to be any orchestras or concerts around Vienna on Valentines Day, and probably not for another month or so. I've decided to just order a train ticket and leave Vienna and try to scout out the rest of the country. I was about to leave my room and head downstairs into the lobby and see if I can talk to the hotel concierge to help me make purchase a ticket for next week, but I was stopped by the sound of my computer.

_~DING!~_

_**You have 1 new message from UtauT (at-sign) notarealemailadress (dot) com.**_

I glance at the computer, and then I wonder why I haven't added Utau to my contacts list yet on my account. Come to think of it, I don't have _anyone_ on my account…Do I even know how to add someone? Maybe I should ask the concierge if he knows how. Can I do that? But wait, then I have to learn how to ask that question in German, and that's going to involve taking out my stupid German translator book, and that's going to involve reading a bunch of stuff, and then I have to memorize a bunch of things and that's going to give me a huge headache. That means I'll have to buy aspirin, which means I'll need to find a grocery store. Since I don't know where a grocery store is, I'm going to have to look at a map. But doesn't reading a map involve math or science or something? Ugh, I've skipped to much school and reading maps is difficult for me. I think I might have some sort of learning disability, because reading maps has always been hard for me back in school, so I just didn't bother to show up. Wait, that's stupid. Doesn't music involve some sort of math, too? If I can memorize Mendelssohn's violin concerto, then I can surely figure out a stupid map!…But wait, was it _Mendelssohn's_ violin concerto that I've memorized, or _Beethoven's_? Did Mendelssohn even write Violin Concerto in E minor, Op. 64, or was that someone else? I'm pretty sure it was Mendelssohn, but then again, I could be completely wrong. All I know is, I have _someone's_ violin Concerto memorized, but I'm not sure if it's in E minor or D major. I haven't played it for a while. I've been more into Mozart these days. Maybe it was _Mozart's_ violin concerto I've memorized. Did he even make one? I can't remember for the life of me.

Wait…what was I going to do just now? Maybe head for the grocery store? But I don't know any grocery stores around here. I could just ask someone, but then that means I'd have to take out my translator book and read a bunch of stuff and memorize it all, but that's going to give me a huge headache-

_~DING!~_

Whoa, I think I just had a moment of déjà vu. Weird.

I look down at my computer screen, and see that I know have _two_ unread messages from Utau. Well, I actually have two unread messages from Utau_T notarealemailadress(dot)com. Why haven't I added her to my contacts list yet? I should probably do that now…if only I knew how. Would a concierge know how to do that? I could ask the one down stairs, but I don't know how to in German, and that means I'm going to have to take out my translator book and-

_~DING!~_

…Is it possible to have a déjà vu about having a déjà vu?

_~DING!~_

Ugh, Utau is beginning to annoy me. I should probably spam her, just to give her a taste of her own medicine.

But first, I _really_ need to get a train ticket.

In a few short minuets, I'm down stairs, only to realize that I don't know where the concierge desk is. Even worse, I haven't got a clue how to ask about it, and I left the stupid translator book back in my room. That's going to mean heading all the way back up to my room after I just made such an effort to get down. UGH. I'd rather just sit down here and sulk about it rather than to just get it over with and get on with my pathetic life.

"Oi, did your cousin send you the newest edition yet?"

"Just now, actually. The concierge just handed it to me…"

Turning around, I'm shocked to see two Japanese men right beside me, reading one of those tabloid magazines that are pretty popular back home and speaking my native language. And it sounds like they know where the concierge desk is, thank God.

"Excuse me," I say as I walk up to them. "I was wondering if you can tell me where-"

"Look Akio!" one of them says. "Another Japanese guy!"

His companion begins to laugh. "And I thought they were extinct here. All I've seen around here are a bunch of European bastards."

_That's because you're in _Europe_, genius_. I hold back my tongue and give them a thin smile. "It's nice to meet you. I was wondering if-"

"Damn, Akio, this guy is young," one of them chimes. "Aren't you a little young to be hanging around here on your own? This isn't a place to for kiddies to be hanging around."

His friend laughs. "Did you lose your mommy, boy? Do you need us to help you find her?"

Jerks. "My mom's the head of Easter, you know the hugest entertainment company in Japan that makes over billions every year?" Their eyes widen at this. "Well, I'm here take her place at a meeting involving that new European pop star, Sergei. I'm sure you've heard of him as well." They nod their heads excitedly, hooked on to every lie coming out of my mouth. "The thing is, Sergei is, like, _really_ pushy, and might not want to do any business with Easter unless I get a taxi and arrive to the meeting soon, which I won't be able to do unless I find the concierge desk. Do you get what I'm saying?" They nod their heads slowly. "Good. So unless you want to arrive back to Japan with millions of Sergei fan girls at your throats, angry for ruining Japan's chance of having him there, than I suggest that you stop messing around and tell me where the concierge is _now_."

The point left, and I see that the desk is not that far from here. Only a few feet away, actually. I would feel like an idiot, however it's kind of hard considering I'm right beside two bigger idiots. I mutter a thanks and leave them, hoping that I'll never see either of them again as I do so.

When I arrive at the concierge desk, it doesn't take long for the idiots to get back to their conversation as if nothing ever happened. Ignoring them is easy, because now I am full committed to completely my task.

…Which is…?

"Ah, Mr. Tsukiyomi," the concierge says to me cheerfully once I tell him my name. "I was hoping to find you soon. You have a package waiting for you. Just wait a moment, I will get it for you." OK, that was unexpected. Ah well, I can wait.

"Look, Akio, it's that Utau Hoshina girl again."

"Ah, she's been in a lot of these magazines lately, hasn't she?"

The name of the sister-that-I've-been-ignoring-for-the-last-several-days coming out of an idiot's mouth piqued my interest, for an odd reason. Trying to remain ever-so-cool and nonchalant about it (which involved me tapping my foot loudly and whistling this obnoxious tune like I do every time I'm waiting for someone. (Kidding. I'm actually staring at the wall beside me. (It's brown. That's a cool color for a wall (not))) I begin to eavesdrop on their conversation.

…Oh stop giving me that disappointed look. This isn't the worse thing I've done.

"…It says that her newest album is number one." Huh, I didn't know that.

"With a voice like that?" I hear one of the guys snort. "I'm surprised."

…This is coming from the idiot who believes a teenager runs one of the largest music industries in the world.

"This probably just a lie." The guy starts to chuckle. "I bet she slept with the Editor of the magazine, just to have him print it out."

"You know, you could be right. Didn't I hear that she used to live on the streets or something?"

"Yeah, I bet I saw on a corner once-"

Suddenly, it was like I was watching this really old movie from long ago. I can barely remember the details, but I know the gist of it. The whole moment was like an out of body experience. I know that's something that psychos say on talk shows just to get noticed, but it really felt like that to me. It was like I was watching someone else punch that jackass square in the face, and shove the other one into a wall, a vice grip on his throat, ready to choke the bastard to death.

That's when I realize what I'm doing, and drop the guy to the floor in shock.

Here's the thing: I don't fight. I've never even hit someone with the intention of hurting them. To me, fighting is just pointless, and something that pathetic people do in a weak attempt to impress others. It was like I was born this involuntary pacifist, who avoids confrontation whenever possible, because it's really all just pointless and a waste of time. Why bother fighting when there's about a million better and more useful things to do in life?

This is why I find it so hard to believe that what just happened actually happened.

So here I am, standing there in complete shock while two idiots are on the ground at my feet, cursing up a bunch of swear words (some that are new to me), and all the while, I feel that sudden burst anger that took me over begin to fade away. God, when was the last time my emotions took over my common sense? I could get arrested for this. I could go to jail, and then I wouldn't get a chance to find my father, leaving Utau disappointed…

Utau…

Looking down on the floor, I notice the magazine right beside me. Picking it up, I see the smiling face of my sister. In the corner, I notice one of her quotes in bold right beside her.

"_I was born with music in me. I've spent my entire life around music, and it's become a huge part of who I am. Without it, I'm completely and hopelessly lost…I don't know what else I would rather do than what I am doing now."_

Oh God, how could anyone mistake this girl for a hooker? I remember when my sister was so young and pure, when she just sang at the most random times. Whenever there was nothing for her to say, she was signing. Even now, she subconsciously hums whenever she's not doing anything.

"_I could say that my biggest inspiration for my music is the support of my fans, and they are great, believe me, but it was my older brother who inspired me to continue to pursue a career in doing the thing I love the most. He is the number one person in my life that I can count on, and that is the greatest thing I can ever ask for. He is my angel of music…and the best gift that I've ever been given. Without his support to guide me, I don't know what would've happened to me."_

As the manager barges into the room, as he begins to ask questions, as the two idiots lie and tell him that they both fell, their pride not allowing them to admit that they got bested by a teenage boy, I can only think of how wrong and how right Utau was.

Utau is so strong, even without me by her side. It's _me_ that's lost without _her_. Even her annoying the living shit out of me as we were growing up, she was the only thing that was constant in my life. The only thing I grew to rely on. She was the only person who was with me through everything, who didn't need for me to explain myself or to even expect an answer out of me, yet still understand who I was all the same. She was the one thing that kept me from going insane while locked in Easter's chains, the one thing that made me determined to escape and right all the wrong my father caused for her and my mother.

Utau is the perfect definition of a strong, independent, and beautiful young woman…and I've been too vain to even realize that.

"Mr. Tsukiyomi?" Turning around, I notice that the concierge had returned, a rectangular brown box in his hands. "I've returned with your package."

I see the return address on the front and say a quick "_danke_" to him as I rush up the stars, not complaining a bit about the trouble I had to go through to get down there in the first place.

I rip open the package, anticipating what's in store for me. I'm not expecting chocolates, but instead, the first thing I notice is a train ticket and a sheet of paper attached to it.

"_Dear Ikuto,_

_I've figured that since it's been a while since I've heard any news from you, finding Aruto in Vienna was a fail. Hopefully, you'll have better luck in Salzburg. If not, then let me know & I'll have Sanjo-san arrange another ticket for anywhere else you'd like to go. If you do have better luck, then let me know __**AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!**__ You know how much I hate being left in the dark…_

_Anyhow, I hope everything will turnout well. Good luck._

_Love,_

_Your __Concerned__ (Not Worried, __**Concerned**__) Sister Utau_

_PS- Don't bother paying me back (because I know that you'll plan on doing it somehow). I want to find Aruto and give him a piece of my mind just as much as you do, and I want to do everything I can to help out. If you try to send me any money, I'll send it right back, so don't even bother."_

I used to think that being dependent on someone was weakness. If you relied on someone too much, and they left you, you're broken and completely vulnerable, and it takes a long time to get yourself back up. I learned that from my mother at a young age, and since then, I've made a habit of being distant towards nearly everyone around me. It's clichéd, I know, but that's what happens when you're scarred for life.

So how on Earth did Utau manage to find a way to make me feel so lost without her? Without even realizing it, I let her grow on me. I've become attached to her in a similar way that she became permanently attached to me.

Utau was right, I was in way over my head. I couldn't find _our_ father on my own. I needed help, and if Utau wanted to give it, I wasn't going to stop her.

Besides, it's not like I had a chance against her anyways.

I peered inside the box to see if there was anything else, and you'll never believe what I found in their next.

A box of my favorite chocolates. Milk chocolate with a dark chocolate filling that melts in your mouth with that white chocolate drizzle on top that's enough to make my mouth water.

There was a small red card attached to it, with neat penmanship (and perfect grammar) written inside.

"_Ikuto,_

_I don't know how they celebrate Valentines Day in Europe, but I figured that it can't be that much different from the way they do it here. I made this chocolate on my own, to express my love for you, even though you're so far away. You don't know how much hell I had to go through just to convince the lady at the post office to allow me to send this. I hope you enjoy it, but even if you don't, that's alright. You don't have to eat it all._

_With Love,  
__Utau"_

Turns out, Utau proved me wrong again, because after I finished a whole box of chocolates (feel free to call me a glutton, but I know very well that you're just jealous), I had a reason to go out and do my Valentines shopping.

…

_**Date:**__ February 11__th  
__**To:**__ UtauT notarealemailadress(dot)com  
__**Subject:**__ Reply To Your Msg_

_**Message from UtauT (at-sign) notarealemailadress(dot)com:  
**__**Message Sent 11:30 AM on February 11**__**th**_

_Ikuto have you gotten my package yet? It didn't get lost did it? I think that it should've arrived by now. If you didn't get it, let me know as soon as possible._

_**Your Reply:**_

_Utau-_

_I just got your package. Thank you so much. I needed it. It was a big help, and the train tickets were useful too._

_I promise to keep you updated._

_-Ikuto_

_PS-In Europe, the men give presents to the girl that they care for. Don't get any ideas though, just thought you'd want to know._

…

About a week later, I got two messages on my train ride to Salzburg.

_**You have 1 new message from Utau:**_

_**Date: **__February 17__h  
__**Subject: **__THANKYOU!THANKYOU!THANKYOU!_

_IKUTO! I'M SO HAPPY! I KNEW YOU CARED! I KNEW YOU LOVED ME! THANK YOU SO MUCH! :DDDD_

_**Picture Attached: **__iloveikuto(dot)jpg _

_**Open Attachment?**_

_**YES **__NO_

Subconsciously, I find myself smiling at Utau's happy expression up on the screen. Her new silver locket is opened up to a miniature picture of me…asleep. I'm going to have to ask about that one later.

_**You have 1 new message from Amu_the_Joker (at-sign) notarealemailadress (dot) com:**_

_**Date:**__ February 17__th  
__**Subject:**__ I hate you._

_I hope your train blows up and you die a horrible and painful death. You have enough time to buy and send Utau a stupid necklace but can't bother to even get me a freaking autograph from Sergei?_

_Don't think that I don't know about that meeting you had with him in Vienna. IT'S ALL OVER THE INTERNET, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU CAN'T FOOL ME!_

_I hate you. A LOT._

_From,  
__That girl who SO isn't going to fall in love with a jackass like YOU anytime soon!_

_PS-Did you honestly think Utau made those chocolates on her own? I stayed up with her until FOUR O'CLOCK AM trying to teach her how to not poison you (which I regret SO MUCH right now!). I DESERVE SOMETHING NICE TOO!_

…Who would've thought that it was possible for Amu to actually grow even _more_ violent, even with me gone?

_**Do you want to delete this message?**_

_**YES**__ NO _

_**Message deleted.**_

* * *

**AN:** I know that this was suppose to center around Ikuto's relationship with Utau, but seeing as how AL was an Amu**x**Ikuto Fan, I couldn't resist posting that last little e-mail up.

And if you haven't already, read **xxToxicMemoryxx**'s own tribute to Angel Lilth. It's called My Angel, though it's a bit more dark than this light-hearted Fic. And if you just like tragedies, than you should still check it out.

**I actually checked for mistakes this time, but if you notice any more, please let me know.**

The next chapter's going to be the last one, and it should come up soon enough, so look out for it.


	3. Their Escape

Their Escape

* * *

**Note:** This chapter is in a different format that the others. It's a songfic, and some of you fans of Making Music might find it familiar because it was mentioned a couple times in the story. I figured it might've been a good way to tribute AL's love of music, though I will say that the story is pretty dark.

I also want to recommend the song (which is called _Be My Escape_, by Relient K) to anyone, because despite the lyrics, the song is actually really good to listen to, and also the song _K__ings and Queens _by 30 Seconds To Mars (some of you people in America might know it, seeing as it's the epic song featured in the 'coast-to-coast' Sunkist commercial).

**Disclaimer:** Don't own the song _Kings and Queens_, by 30 Seconds to Mars, or the song _Be My Escape_, by Relient K.

* * *

'_We were the Kings and Queens of promise.  
__We were the victims of ourselves.  
__Maybe the Children of a Lesser God  
__Between Heaven and Hell.'  
_-The song _Kings and Queens_, by 30 Seconds To Mars

…

____

I've given up on giving up slowly.  
I'm blending in so you won't even know me,  
Apart from this whole world that shares my fate_._

Despite on what it may look like from a spectators point of view, the Guardians really weren't _all_ that. They were just ordinary kids, who happened to be a little bit more confused than most.

They didn't fit in as easily as everyone else did, because they still had no idea who they _were_, much less what kind people they would get along with the best.

They, just like every other person in the world, had a moment in their lives where they simply _gave up_. After all, what was the point? What was the point of figuring yourself out, when in the end, you were just going to die along with every other miserable soul on the planet?

____

This one last bullet you mention,  
Is my one last shot at redemption,  
Because I know to live you must give your life away_._

It seemed pretty ironic that the Guardians, both present and former, would think depressing thoughts more often than the regular child. After seeing so many dreams crushed, and so many so near to not coming true, they wondered if it was even worth saving them for others. After all, once you died, did your dreams come along with you, or did they simply vanish?

If that was the case, then like Ikuto had said, what was the point of saving them?

____

And I've been housing all this doubt and insecurity.  
And I've been locked inside that house ,  
All the while you hold the key.  
And I've been dying to get out,  
And that might be the death of me.  
And even though, there's no way in knowing where to go,  
Promise I'm going because…

The King, Tadase Hotori, wondered if death was different for a King. Was Heaven nicer, or was Hell just less crueler to you? Or, because you were King, you wouldn't have to know, because you could make a choice? Then again, he decided, what did it matter? Weren't all Kings human? So don't all Kings have to suffer the same fate as their subjects, despite their title?

The former Queen, and now new Jack, Nagihiko Fujisaki, never understood the _big_ difference between a man or a woman. What was the importance of dancing better as a woman? What did it matter if you could dance once you were _dead_? Because, after all, you did _die_, no matter what your gender was.

Kūkai Souma, the former Jack, always contemplated if it was possible to continue moving on once you were dead. He heard stories about how people with regrets turn into ghosts once they died. He couldn't understand how someone could die with _no_ regrets. People who died in accidents or from diseases never _anticipated_ for Death to come knocking, so of course they would have something to regret doing or not being able to do. How sad, he realized, for so many people to be stuck dealing with their regrets and never being able to move on happily.

The newest Queen, Rima Mashiro, didn't even know why people were given a chance to live, if they were just going to die. Why would you bother to laugh at something funny everyday, when death was always approaching closer to you? Things never became funny once realizing how serious death really was.

The former Jack Kairi Sanjo wondered what fate would be bestowed upon you once you passed on. In some religions, good people went into a wonderful paradise called Heaven, while those people who have been bad went to live eternal damnation in Hell. Other people believed in rebirth, that you would live a different life once you finished your old one. Kairi didn't know what would happen, since the only way to figure it out was to actually die.

Amu Hinamori, the Joker, wondered if you were still able to watch over your loved ones once you passed on, to know how they were able to move on without you. It be sad if you weren't able to, but wouldn't it be even more upsetting to watch them crying over you, or to realized that they didn't even shed a tear?

The Ace, Yaya Yuiki, only had one question about death: why did people think about it so much? Why on Earth would you spend your time think about what would happen to you once your time had finished? You were brought on Earth to _love_ your life, and most importantly, _live_ _it_. Contemplating the point of it _wasn't_ the point of it!

___I gotta get outta here.  
I'm stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake.  
I gotta get outta here.  
And I'm begging You,  
I'm begging You,  
I'm begging You to be my escape__._

Her friends never understood her reasons for being happy whenever the situation was disappointing. She never understood why they were disappointed when they should've been happy. The reason was life was to _live it_, not sit around all mopy by the fact that there was a limited amount of time to it.

"The reason why you guys are so depressed about life is because you're _wasting_ it," Yaya would say, wondering why they wouldn't come to the park with her when all they had been doing all day was watch the news on the TV in her living room. "The reason Yaya invited you to help baby-sit was to make the best of a disappointing situation, not make it even worse!"

"What's so disappointing is that fact that a young girl and her grandmother had a collision with another driver, and all three of them died," Rima said in monotone, watching the newscaster rapidly give the details of the accident with a blank expression.

"If you're trying to make Yaya join you guys in your little depressing cult, then forget about it," Yaya snapped. "Yeah, you almost got me with that news about the girl, but instead of being so upset about the fact that she died, think about the fact that she's most likely in a better place!" She beamed a bright smile at all of them, hoping to make them cheer up and move on.

"What proof do you have, Yuiki?" Kairi asked, adjusting his glasses, but still didn't even bother to turn his head to look at her. "How do you know what happens when someone dies? I'm not trying to insult anyone's beliefs, but do you really know if that girl is going to move on to heaven?"

Yaya looked at the only person in the room who wasn't older than her. "You of all people should be on Yaya's side, Class Prez! You're only going to be in town for a week of summer vacation, and you're just going to waste it watch the news?"

Kūkai shrugged. "What's the point of doing anything else? After all, we're all going to die eventually like the girl, so why bother?"

Yaya stared shocked at him. If anything, she'd figure that Kūkai would at least show some support. "Did you hit your head on your way here? It's like you've suddenly just said that you're going to quit sports! How can you even say 'what's the point' when you're the soccer team captain?"

"What's. The. Point?" Kūkai ignored Yaya's eyes digging holes at the side of his head as he said, "I might just quit soccer anyways. I'm not sure if I'm willing to run suicides everyday for nothing."

All she could do was stare at the strangers sitting right in front of her and wonder what had happened to her friends.

____

I've given up on doing this alone now,  
Cause I've failed and I'm ready to be shown how.  
He's told me the way and I'm trying to get there.  
And this life sentence that I'm serving,  
I admit that I'm every bit deserving,  
But the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair_._

"Amu, you can't honestly say that you're willing to just forget about everything you've said to all the kids in school about believing in yourself and never giving up, right?" Yaya asked as her friend was showing her the proper way to hold Tsubasa without waking him up.

Amu just sighed. "You're too young to understand this-"

"Yaya's only a year younger than you!"

"I meant _mentally_," Amu said, shushing Yaya before she woke up her brother. "Yaya, you're the type of person who's going to act like a child forever, no matter how old you get." Looking down at the sleeping face of the baby in her arms, Amu avoided the disappointed look Yaya had on right then. "That's why, you're never going to be able to accept the fact that life isn't infinite. It's going to end eventually, and acting like we aren't by being happy is just ignorance. We all might as well accept the fact that we're going to die and-"

She's cut off by Yaya getting up suddenly and grabbing Tsubasa's bag filled with his bottle, diapers, and everything else he might need to go out. After grabbing her little brother out of Amu's hands and placing him in his stroller, she looks her friend in the eyes and says, "Just because you're happy doesn't mean that you're _ignorant_ or _too young_ to understand things." She slips on her flip flops and grabs her baseball cap and sunglasses. "It just means that you've already _accepted _the fact that life isn't infinite, but that you're willing to _move on _instead of dwelling over the fact."

After walking towards the door and gently rubbed sunscreen on Tsubasa's sensitive baby skin, she said to everyone else sprawled in front of the TV, "I don't about _you_, but Yaya's taking Tsubasa to the park. He's still too young to have to hear all your cruel remarks. Do whatever you want."

Turning her head, she tried to hide her disappointment when she noticed their indifferent expressions. Had they even heard her? The fact that they didn't look like leaving anytime soon was good enough for her, and not planning on being held back a second longer, she ran out the door and into the bright sunshine.

____

And I've been housing all this doubt and insecurity.  
And I've been locked inside that house ,  
All the while you hold the key.  
And I've been dying to get out,  
And that might be the death of me.  
And even though, there's no way in knowing where to go,  
Promise I'm going because…

As Yaya strolled her younger brother and grumbled all the while, she failed to memorize what trail she was on as she made her way into the thicket of trees surrounding the area, hoping to find that yellow bird Tsubasa was so entranced with.

"You know what?" She didn't know if it was the nature or Tsubasa's excited gurgling (When did he wake up anyways?), but Yaya felt a surge of positive energy take over her. "We don't need those party-poopers! We'll just have fun on our own, right Tsubasa?"

The baby's bubbly expression only brightened her expression…only to realize one little detail.

"…Aw man! Where's Class Prez with his navigating skills when you need him?"

____

I gotta get outta here.  
I'm stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake.  
I gotta get outta here.  
And I'm begging You,  
I'm begging You,  
I'm begging You to be my escape_._

Her parents were at work, and Yaya was too afraid of getting scolded by them for getting both her and her younger brother lost.

"…Oh…What should Yaya do, Tsubasa?" She shrugged off the helpless feeling she was getting from asking for condolence from her baby brother. She was just glad that she at least had cell service. "Mommy and Daddy are going to yell at Yaya, and my stupid friends would just call Yaya 'young' and 'childish' again…"

Yaya frowned. Since when was she so prideful? Taking out her phone, she hit speed dial within seconds.

____

I am a hostage to my own humanity,  
Self detained and forced to live  
In this mess I've made.  
And all I'm asking is for,  
You to do what you can with me.  
But I can't ask you to give  
What you already gave_. _

"Is it just me or has Yuiki always been so…?" Tadase's sentence trailed off as he struggled to find the right adjective to finish his sentence.

"_Annoying_," Nagihiko said for him, as he rested his head against Rima's knees that were just beside his head. His position on the floor was getting uncomfortable, but he didn't want to make an effort to move.

"I was going to suggest _immature_," Kairi said, not pointing out the fact that she was older than him. He liked to think that he was well beyond his ears, but often tried not to avoid sounding snobbish. He bumped his left knee with Kūkai's right one, sending the hint that he was too close. Not like the older boy had a choice. The Yuiki's only couch was too small for all six kids to get comfortable.

"_Obnoxious_," Kūkai said, putting his two-cents in while sending a look towards Kairi, making it obvious that he wasn't planning on moving anytime soon.

"_Ignorant_," Rima sniffed as she shoved Nagihiko's head off of her knees, much to his chagrin. Amu seemed to flinch slightly beside him, but remained silent.

"Still…" Nagihiko mused, "it's not that bad outside. Agreeing to go to the park wouldn't have been _too_ awful."

Kūkai groaned. "But then we would have to get up and get ready, and that's just such a bother."

"Plus, you don't want to be the one to clean and set everything back up, do you?" Rima asked Nagihiko, sending a sideways glare. Nagihiko just shrugged and didn't bother to reply or defend himself in anyway.

_God_, each of them seemed to think. _What happened to me?_

Because in the back of their heads, each one of them couldn't help but some-what doubt their motives for doing what they were doing.

_RING…RING…_

"…Somebody going to get that?" Kūkai asked aloud, as though it was someone's job to answer it.

Rima shrugged. "Not my house."

Nagihiko snorted. "So you're OK with eating Yaya's food and watching the news on her TV, but can't even get up to use the phone?"

"Well, I don't see you making any effort to answer it." Rima glared in his direction, shutting him up immediately. "Besides, the machine will get it."

_BEEEEP_

"_Hello? Is anyone there? Well, Yaya needs some help, so if Amu, Tadase, or anyone is still there, please come over to the park…I think I might've gotten lost in the woods. Please, just come over soon, I really need help."_

_END OF MESSAGE._

Tadase joined the others in a stare-off with the computer. "You can't be serious," he stated.

Kūkai just scoffed in annoyance. "Figures something like that would happen to her."

Nagihiko looked back and forth between everyone. "So, you guys still want to hang around here, or do you want to go help our friend?"

"…" Kūkai blinked.

"…" Rima inspected her nails.

"…" Kairi kept staring at his feet.

"…I'm in," Amu decided, getting up and grabbing her shoes. "Anyone who wants to join me can."

After all, life was too short, but if Yaya wanted to make it worthwhile, it would only be fair to give her the chance.

____

And I've been housing all this doubt and insecurity.  
And I've been locked inside that house ,  
All the while you hold the key.  
And I've been dying to get out,  
And that might be the death of me.  
And even though, there's no way in knowing where to go,  
Promise I'm going because…

Yaya was lost. Not just literally, but also in her train of thoughts.

She wasn't sure about what to do in a situation like this one. Sure, the smart thing to do was to stay put, but what if no one ever found her here? What if someone was looking for her right now, but couldn't find her because she was too far away? Shouldn't she at least _try_ to find her way out, right before giving up and waiting to be rescued?

She just glad that she and Tsubasa weren't starving. He had his little bottle of milk to keep him calm while Yaya was always prepared with her stash of sweets.

As long as she kept listing the positives, there was no reason for her to get upset over the situation. After all, she called her home phone and left a message. Hopefully, somebody would've gotten it and come to help her. And besides, things could've been worse. She could've been alone, or it could've been dark out, or raining…

Tsubasa sniffled. Her phone beeped that it was now 6:30. Evening would be arriving soon, and the sky seemed darker and more ominous than it did moments ago. Tsubasa began to whimper.

Yaya had to wonder: when was the perfect time to start worrying?

____

I gotta get outta here.  
I'm stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake.  
I gotta get outta here.  
And I'm begging You,  
I'm begging You,  
I'm begging You to be my escape_._

"You know," Kūkai said as he lead the group through the thicket of trees, "I almost feel like I'm in one of those cheesy horror movies, and that this masked chain-saw murderer is going to pop out and spook us all."

Amu laughed. "Remember that one time when Yaya forced us to watch one of those movies? And she begged us to turn it off half-way in, even though nothing really scary had happened yet?"

"I bet she just wanted an excuse to jump right into the cheesy chick-flick that had just come out," Kairi said, reminiscing along with her.

"Yaya was always so spastic," Rima commented. She was behind everyone else, carefully trying not to get herself dirty. She hadn't been dressed for this certain occasion, and her mother would certainly notice if she came home tracking mud in the house. The others didn't seem to share her disdain as they trekked thought the various parts of nature lying around them. "I mean, she's lived around this area practically her entire life. How could she get _lost_?"

"It's like we're living in the cheesy horror film," Nagihiko commented, half-expecting someone to pop out behind them and snatch up Rima unexpectedly. Of course, he didn't voice out these thoughts, and they seemed more humorous than terrifying to him, but it still wasn't something that he'd share.

Tadase stopped in the middle of the trail, surveying his surroundings. He smiled a bit. "Yaya is her own movie," he said aloud. "She's everything you'd expect, and everything that you never would've imagined."

"Like those movies where all the characters die in odd and unusual ways!" Kūkai said, recalling one specific memory. "Man, I remember how freaked out we would all be when we watched them. It was like, one moment, we're yelling at the girl to get out of the room, because they make it _so _obvious that she's practically walking to her death, and then we're all so surprised to see that she doesn't die _that_ way, but dies in the end where-"

"Kūkai!" Amu squealed stopping abruptly. "Don't talk about things like that, especially now. It's creepy." The thought of death being mentioned so casually made her feel as though it was really approaching them right then and there. The more they talked about it, the more ominous it seemed. It could be dropped in any regular conversation with them, but still remain as a force far beyond what they could reach for.

"You're right," Kairi said, redirecting everyone's attention. "We need to focus on finding Yuiki. It's getting dark, and we've been wasting time." His eyes landed on Kūkai when he finished his last sentence, causing the older boy to shuffle uncomfortably underneath Kairi's serious gaze.

"Well you gotta admit," he started again as they began to venture through the woods yet again, "those movies _were_ pretty epic."

"Too many sequels," Rima chimed, now on Nagihiko's back, easily being able to catch up with the others, though no one was exactly sure how she got there in the first place.

"Unlike life," Nagihiko added, "where you only get one chance."

Kairi didn't even glance at them from the corner of his eye. "Are you sure about that?"

"Well what else do we have to be sure about?" Rima asked him, turning her head sideways to look at Kairi and rested her cheek on Nagihiko back, surprisingly comfortable in her awkward position.

"How about nothing?" Amu asked aloud. "Who says we need to be sure of _anything_? Why can't we just go on living life without worrying about something that may or may not happen, depending on your views?"

"You sound just like Yuiki," Tadase commented, turning around to give his friend a curious look.

Amu just smiled, as though that one little remark just made the gray sky sprout up in rainbows that could only be envisioned from a little kid's imagination. "Thanks."

____

I fought you for so long,  
I should have let you win.  
Oh, how we regret those things we do.  
And all I was trying to do was save my own skin,  
Oh, but so were you.  
So were you…

Yaya was beginning to wonder if she was wrong. She was trying to fill her thoughts with positive things, but that had only blinded her from all the negative that was going on around her. Were the others right?Was it really stupid to fool around when serious matters were erupting day after day?

No. She didn't think so. There was nothing wrong with being _happy_. And she wasn't being ignorant either. She knew that there were terrible things happening everyday, but instead of fretting over them like everyone else, she tried to accept the fact quickly and move on to more pleasant things.

Well, she tried that, but now she was in too deep and the worse part was that she was bring her younger brother down with her. He was asleep again, with his ratty old stuffed rabbit in his arms, unaware of what was happening at the moment.

She realized that she had never wanted to be a baby more than she did that moment, watching Tsubasa peacefully sleep, while there could've been someone at a friend's funeral, or hearing the news about a relative's death for the first time, or having just realized that they were diagnosed with a terminal disease, leaving their entire family in pain. Babies didn't know what was happening, and could just take a nap whenever hope seemed lost, because that was all they could do. Babies were never a part of anything bad. They never did anything wrong. Babies were perfect, because they didn't know how to be imperfect.

Ignorance was bliss, and Yaya knew that was true for babies. But Yaya didn't want to be ignorant. That was Tsubasa's job at the moment. She was the older sister, and she needed to take charge. She needed to face the problem head on, instead fretting over it. After all, life was too short to worry about. You needed to face whatever was coming towards you, even if it was an unpleasant fate.

"Alright!" she whisper shouted, which was no different that someone talking regularly. "No more sitting around! Yaya's gonna get us out of this mess on her own! Don't you worry Tsubasa!"

She had kind of shouted the last part out loud, and along with her pretty noisy monologue, Tsubasa awoke quite unpleasantly, and began to cry. Yaya found it appropriate to start yelling.

"Oh no! Tsubasa! Don't cry! Where's your bottle? Do you want some milk? I'll find your bottle soon! God, where's the formula stuff? Aw geez!"

Her yelling just made Tsubasa cry harder, and pretty soon there was a storm of loud noises. This seemed to lift Yaya's spirits up a bit, because she found noise more pleasant that the rigid silence of the woods (Even if the noise was combined with her frantic yelling and her brother's upsetting cries), and that just made her yell even louder, which in turn made Tsubasa louder, and the cycle continued until both of them had reached their limit and the sounds were deafening.

"Do you hear that?"

"How could you _not_?"

"Yaya! Are you there?"

"It's her! We finally found her!"

Yaya couldn't hear the hasty footsteps heading towards her in midst of all the yelling being done, and it wasn't until she was tackled to the ground in a flurry of hugs that she'd realized that she had been rescued.

"You guys!" She broke out into a grin when she heard more noise. They were all rapidly talking all a t once, about how stupid and how irresponsible she was and how it was such a pain to find her, and Yaya couldn't have been happier.

"You know," Kairi said once everyone began to settle down, and Tsubasa started to get a bit weary from all the yelling, "I think coming out here was worth it."

"Really?" Yaya squealed, glad that no one was spreading anymore pessimism around in the group.

"Yeah, after all, this trail happens to have the most splendid sights of nature around, and I'm glad we got to see it all."

"What do you mean?" Rima asked, assuming that Yaya had gotten off the regular trail just like everyone else.

"I think he means that we've been on a trail this entire time, and that we've just reached the end of it," Tadase says, the truth suddenly looming over them.

"Wait, so Yaya's been by the exit this entire time?" She couldn't believe it. All the depression for nothing, only to be proven an idiot by everyone around her.

"You didn't even know that?" Kūkai nearly shouted at her, incredulous.

Kairi shrugged, figured that everyone else already knew. "I figured it out on the way over here, and assumed that she was just looking for some attention."

"Wouldn't be the first time," Rima remarked, looking disdainfully away from the younger girl. "And I got my shoes scuffed for nothing."

Yaya pouted childishly, like a kindergartener was being scolded for hitting someone, even though that someone had stolen her crackers and it was only fair to extract revenge. "Don't be so mean, Rima!"

"Yeah," Nagihiko agreed. "After all, _I_ was the one who had to drag your lazy butt all the way over here!"

"Such rude words coming from a gentleman!" Amu said jokingly at Nagihiko's childlike expression, similar to the one Yaya had on at the moment.

"Yaya, since you made us all drag ourselves over here to save you, I say you owe us all_ big time_," Kūkai decided.

"I think ice cream sounds fair," Tadase suggested, and was met with a chorus of agreeing peers.

"So ice cream tomorrow at the park then?" Nagihiko proposed.

"Yaya's treat," Rima insisted, causing Yaya to just goofily roll her eyes.

Kūkai grinned at the idea of free ice cream. "Cool! I'll bring my soccer ball!"

"I thought you said you wanted quit?" Amu asked.

Kūkai just shrugged. "Changed my mind," he replied easily, causing Yaya to break out into a wide grin.

"Yay!" she cheered and tackled her friend in to the ground, and was followed in suit by everyone else, including the stingy Rima.

It was until they were called and scolded by their parents for staying out so late did they decided to return home after a full half hour of chatting and laughter. The earlier conversations and thoughts that were made prior to the whole investigation in the woods were never brought up or thought of again. Their worlds and thoughts were still different, but no world was ever as marvelous and unique and splendid as Yaya's was, because it was her world that gradually shaped their's into the ideal one each of them so very wanted.

* * *

**A/N:** Thus ends this joyous three-shot about the memory of a very talented author who's ride on FF was unfortunately short-lived.

All I can tell you about AL is that I believed that she was a truly talented young writer, and I always loved reading her updates. They brought a certain joy that I've never felt before while reading a FF. If you haven't already, go read xxToxicMemoryxx's tribute to her, titled My Angel. It really is worthwhile.

Thanks to those who read this, and to those who wrote comments about the author. AL was a really great writer who does deserve to be recognized on this site, because of how original and lively her writing was.

* * *

"_Why live in an everyday world when you can live in a different world everyday?"  
_-Angel Lilith

_Writing on FanFiction from June 12__th__, 2009 to December 5th, 2009_

_May You Rest In Peace._


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